just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
