who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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