The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
