My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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