Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
