Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
