the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
