he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was petting her beer can
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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