Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
