drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize