smell my finger.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
