WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
