you traded sex for a burrito?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
