oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
