4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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