a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize