I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
