He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
