Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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