Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize