At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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