My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
