Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
