Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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