they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
