So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
should my penis look like a turkey
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
