i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
