i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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