I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
