So drunk its hurt
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
