You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
