I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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