I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
