Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
