You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this just has baby written all over it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
