If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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