its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
