The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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