we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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