your thong is hanging out like whoa
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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