dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
