My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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