The maid of honor just puked.
Do you still have your period?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
