So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
