You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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