My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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