Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
