You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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