I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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