DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
