I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
