I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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