went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
