Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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