So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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