You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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