bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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