I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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