if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
