yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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