Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
