thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
