You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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