Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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