Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
