marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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