I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
