ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Boobs are out for the taking
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
