Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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