now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
