you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
