He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
smell my finger.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
