i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
