I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
