Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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