sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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