if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
