2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
