question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
