Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
